Amnesia, when we hear this word we usually think of memory loss caused by an accident or a psychological trauma according to wikipedia
Lately, I’ve had the time and opportunity to think about life, and get re-acquainted with the people I used to work with, particularly with one person whom I had my “eye” on, in my previous work at a certain call center.
We never really met officially/formally, I just see him around, and maybe talked to him once or twice; probably said hi or sorry to him once or twice I don’t remember. I wanted to meet him get to know him, but I was very shy, and there were actually no opportunities , if there were I probably missed out on it because of some events that happened during those times.
A few weeks ago, I saw a picture of him on his profile through a common friend, I was just testing it out to see if he’d actually add me as a friend even if we didn’t really know each other formally. I wasn’t really expecting he would, but he did. We got to talking about everything anything under the sun..
Then as we talked every week, every other day.. I tried to remember the times when this guy I liked at that time, lets hide his name with the initials “RB” when we crossed paths, and talked during those moments when we were at the same call center in Pasig. But something different happened, events from about three (3) years ago, came flooding back, like a big flash back, good and bad memories at that certain call center.
As all the memories good or bad came rushing back to mind; I realized something I thought I had buried and forgotten all those thoughts and events. Unfortunately, I have not, and I probably had a case of “selective amnesia”
We, you, and I , and probably almost everyone in the world have regrets, and probably a lot of them, caused by impulsive and wrong decisions because of a cause and effect event.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my work at that certain call center, and the people I worked with, and probably loved too much which caused me to decide between leaving work and the person I loved there, and ended up leaving both.
Which as I think about it now was probably the wrong decision, and if only I had waited a few days and thought about it thoroughly. Probably. RB and I would’ve gotten to know each other more if the opportunity presented itself.
As I browsed through his profile, haha (wait I’m no stalker, I was just curious).
I read this quote, and it really hit me straight in the heart and made me laugh, because when RB posted this , it was the day before I left that call center, or probably day after or the day itself most likely.. When I read it , my thoughts were “If only I read this, on this date, I probably would’ve changed my mind about resigning from that call center. Where was this when I needed it?” and I laughed.. This was the quote he posted.
“Wag mo pilitin ang puso mo na tumibok sa taong di mo gusto at lalong wag mong pilitin tumibok sayo ang puso ng taong di naman ikaw ang gusto.” – RB
I thought to myself “If only I had read this during those unfortunate time(s), maybe my decisions would’ve been different,and I would’ve changed my mind. Where was this when I needed it? haahaha
“Why didn’t I read it at that time? Because at that time, He and I were not yet fb friends, and he probably didn’t know I existed.
Lately, I tried to recount the events, the good and even the bad and painful moments at that time (that story will be for another time). I realized, that I had only buried those events, and not really have forgotten those events, moments, and I probably had not forgiven the other person who hurt me so much, and probably myself that time, which I thought I had killed.
Maybe, now that I have written about this, it would probably be easier for me to forgive that person who hurt me, and forget those events. Wait don’t get confused, RB and the person who hurt me are two very different people.
RB and his quote are the inspiration for this post, and all the thoughts and missed out opportunities that he and I had when were in the same company.
The regret I had was, I should’ve waited a few days more before resigning, because the person that hurt me let’s just hide his name in DD, was terminated, three days after. If only I read RB’s post on the day I submitted my resignation letter, it would probably helped in changing my mind about staying, and probably just asked my Team leader, for a transfer to another team.
I also regret that if only the time I spent on that “wrong person” was spent on getting to know “RB” during those times.
Since, I’ve killed that person I was three years ago, and as I grow up each day, I realize, and just say to myself “there was a purpose in every event(s) and choices we make, and we made”.
As they say when a door closes, another one opens or a window opens. well whichever saying, opportunities are always there waiting, we just have to wait and choose.
I am also thankful to RB as we begin a new friendship, he made me realize that you can only move on to your future if you have forgiven and forgotten your past, and learn from it. Which is probably one of the reasons and purpose that he came back into my life, and there’s probably more reasons why RB is back into my life.
Now I am glad that RB and I are being re-acquainted again and building a friendship that we missed three (3) years ago. I know there is a purpose in this re-acquaintance and a beginning of a new friendship.
All I can say is that I am still fortunate, because of my family and friends who love , understands me and supports me in everything.
Written by : © Anj Atutubo; April 21, 2014
Acknowledgement: Thank you RB for the inspiration for this post and thank you for the every other week conversations.
I would also like to thank my good friend and fellow writer Ayn Torres, and her post suicide note. An inspiration that helped me finish my own post, random thoughts and rants.